Karate Kids/Dad Thighs – Split
I was thinking to myself a few weeks ago “I don’t collect enough useless things”, and so I decided to start a small cassette collection. I mean, I guess I’m re-starting the collection because in the early 90’s I had a pretty decent accumulation of Toad The Wet Sprocket and Smashing Pumpkins tapes. I definitely had some Rod Stewart in there too, and heaps of mixtapes I copied from my sister (who always had better taste in music). Sadly, the whereabouts of those tapes is currently filed under “lost forever”, hence my re-starting the collection. The first tape I’m adding to it is this nifty little split right here. Holy ass this thing lifts! Partly French, partly English, entirely radical, and again, not to boast, but they’re from where I’m from. That’s exciting because, let’s be honest, Vancouver is rapidly gentrifying itself into one big yoga/wine/coffee/kayaking studio and it makes me sick! *spits* Creative minds still thrive though, and here’s the evidence. 
Listen on Bandcamp
Unknown River Driver – Remains [Buy it on Amazon!]
First of all, dope album art. I’m a sucker for eerie old photographs. I couldn’t figure out why it seemed so familiar to me, and then I realized, ah yes, that is a portrait of my very soul. This is also available as a sick looking split with Rations Noise courtesy of our friends at 86’d Records, but I like this better as a stand alone EP. That’s how I’m ranking it anyway, but you should definitely buy the split on vinyl or cassette if you’re in the market for that kind of thing. What’s that? You don’t own a tape deck or a record player? What are you, from the feckin’ future or something? Just stream it then spaceperson. Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify
Oort Patrol – Humons
I googled “oort” and all I can find is something about a space-cloud. I don’t know if this band is intentionally named after a space-cloud or not. I would assume so, based on the apparent infatuation with aliens and UFO’s. That’s a part of their own personal struggle though. It’s none of my business, and quite frankly, I don’t want it to be my business. This way now! To the album review! Follow me! It’s right over here! Through this hollow log! Hey, umm do you guys think I’m ok? Ok cool. Yay we’re here! This is a teeny little EP of sorts, but it packs a punch. If my math is correct it clocks in at exactly 531 seconds in the overall. That’s about nine minutes of shittily recorded emotive pop punk that makes you want to cry-dance the night away. Man this thing just has that sound. You can’t fake this stuff. If you have 531 seconds to spare right now, I’ll give you one guess how you should spend it.. Wait, what are you doing with that lotion? Oh! I should go. Listen on Bandcamp
Please Believe – …In Potential
Hey look at that: The name of the band and the album title fit together to form a sentence. I love it when that happens. It’s a pretty reasonable request too, isn’t it? Just believe in potential. Gosh, it’s not that hard. They said please! The whole concept is so hopeful ya know? I should warn you though, the optimism ends there. Once you get past the album title you immediately start running into song titles like “Dead Arms Dangling At The Wheel” lol oofz! No, actually when you get into these songs it starts to feel uplifting again, in a nuclear revolution summer kind of way. Or maybe it’s a revolution winter in this case. To answer your question, no, I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about. Listen on Bandcamp
Allau – Self Titled
From what I gather this is some kind of side-project that didn’t pan out. Shame because this thing rips. It’s all in Spanish but they’ve been thoughtful enough to include English translations for every song in the lyrics tabs. That’s the first time I’ve seen anyone do that on bandcamp. If you’re trying to learn Spanish, like I am, it’s great to be able to read the English while you’re listening. It’s kind of like punk rock Duolingo. Scratch that. It is EXACTLY like punk rock Duolingo in every way imaginable. I just had a great idea for an app guys, but it doesn’t have anything to do with this post. Umm, just forget everything you read here ok. The album is spikey and spazzy and guaranteed to not solve any of your problems, unless your problem happens to be that your neighbors don’t hate you enough. If that’s the case, this can help. Listen on Bandcamp ((correction: I just found out these lyrics are in Catalan not Spanish))
ENDNOTES: Well, I did it ya’ll, broke me fecking wrist I did. I was atop a rolling staircase that tipped over, my life flashed before my eyes (which was very depressing by the way), and I used my hand to break my fall. My dominant hand that is, which is why it took me 400 years to type this fecking thing. Please take pity on me and tell all your friends this is the best resource for new music in cyberspace. The best place to find new bands. I thank you kindly. Please bare with me and my gibbled arm. Don’t forget to check the Scrap Heap for tons more weird albums that came out this month by weird bands. Gonna go take a shower with a bag over my arm now. Bye.
The Doesn't Suck 