From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – Final Warning’s Adam Sandler Tribute Album

_________________________________________________________________

What happens when you mix misty bedroom indie with sound clips from Adam Sandler movies? You get a project called Final Warning, which seems like a name better suited for a mid 80’s NYHC band. In fact I would not be the least bit surprised if you told me it was. Maybe not from New York, but there absolutely has to have been a hardcore band somewhere at some point called Final Warning. If there wasn’t then I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t even know what planet I’m on. What’s the point of anything!? This just in: There most definitely was a hardcore band called Final Warning in the 80’s out of Portland OR. I knew it. In your face. Anyway, so yeah, this whole album is a tribute to Adam Sandler (aka the Sandman). There’s even a sick cover of the emo classic Somebody Kill Me Please from The Wedding Singer. I really appreciate this actually. Yeah in recent years the comedy of the Sand has been a bit bland, but when you were a prepubescent boy in 1996, there was nothing on earth more suited to your needs than The Goat and Do It For Your Mama. That man was a child and that child was a genius.

Doesn’t English (#022) – Honda SS

_______________________________________________________________

When it comes to motorcycles, the Honda SS was maybe about as basic as it gets and this band is basically kicking your ass. You know as far as opening lines go that is basically the best I can do, and honestly, as bad as it was, it still sounds a little too professional for me. Anyway, whatever man. This album slaps the ham for real. Melodic streetcore right outa the flaky spanakopita lined gutters of Greece. I wasn’t able to find out which city or town exactly but then again my research is also flaky. That’s a weird word eh, flaky? Da hell is that? Look, here’s what you do. Cuddle up on the couch with a bowl and tzatziki and put on track 3, Ζήτω Η Ελλάς (Long Live Greece). It might be a sarcastic “long live Greece” though, so don’t go playing it for your Greek friends thinking it’s all national pride and what have you. That might be a mistake, depending on who these friends are. Where did you meet them anyway? Can I be friends with them too? And by friends I mean a one-sided arrangement where they make food for me, I eat said food, and they get nothing in return.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [FEBRUARY 2019]

Baby Katie – Scraps
Welp, I’ve got my first favourite song of 2019. I’m telling you, track two is the first (and best) of many strokes of genius on this album. It’s the perfect sad love song, and you know what I always say: If you’re going to write a love song, better make it sad. I hate to draw comparisons here, but I’m gonna go ahead and say someone named Daniel comes to mind, as well as someone named Simon, and I’m not talking about Simon Daniels. Yo! I just googled “Simon Daniels”, because I’m actually not even aware of anyone by that name, and THIS is what I found lol, Damn Daniels! Anyway if you’re done having your mind blown by that, we can get back to Baby Katie. Some people were just born to write songs ya know. It sounds effortless. This isn’t even an official album. It’s just scraps. Scraps! I was talking about Daniel Johnston and Simon Joyner by the way.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Cheap Horse – Delusions Never Die
Hey, not everyone can afford an expensive horse right? So what do you do? You either get a cheap horse or you get a burro, and if you wanna be a major player in the cowboy scene you can’t roll up on a burro. You just can’t. Can you? Maybe you can. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have the straight goods when it comes to fuzzed up indie punk out of Santa Cruz. This band for example, that coincidentally is called Cheap Horse. Wow that really ties in well with what I was saying before. Sometimes these things just write themselves.   Listen on Bandcamp

The Plastic Beach – Prom [Buy it on Amazon!]
Ever been to a plastic beach? It’s fucking disgusting you guys. Clean up the goddamn oceans. On a completely unrelated note, here is a band out of Detroit that’s gonna take you to the sock hop and then punch you in the gut. I’m not saying they are a violent band, I’m just saying they probably have switchblades. This feels like a 90’s throwback band, and there’s nothing wrong with that (obviously), but there’s something fresh going on here too. It’s like a 90’s Lookout!parfait with some fresh blueberries on top. This is all making perfect sense in my mind. Except for the word parfait. That word doesn’t make any fecking sense. You know that movie Empire Records? Yeah, if there’s ever a remake I know who should be all over that soundtrack. In conclusion: clean up the oceans, seriously.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

A Vida Toda Um Quase – Self Titled EP
I translated some of these lyrics into english and I found the line “rebuilding the mosaic of life with shards”.. I mean damn. Isn’t that what we’re all trying to do? Some of us moreso than others evidently. This feels like protest music with actual urgency. Let’s face it, first-world punk rarely has that edge. I mean it was cute when the Dead Kennedy’s talked about genocide in Cambodia, but I would much rather hear music from pissed off kids IN Cambodia than some chump in San Francisco, you know what I’m sayin’? and after hearing the 10,000th American band highlight injustice around the world from the comfort of their 5 star squat, you really start craving some angst from the source. That’s why it’s so exciting to find bands like this. Especially when it’s fast and energetic melodic hardcore. What more could you ask for? How ‘bout a sick name like A Vida Toda Um Quase (The Whole Life Almost)? That’s how you name a freakin’ band son! PLEASE do not sleep on non-english music.   Listen on Bandcamp

Dr. Terror – House Of Hits
We don’t judge bands by their names on this blog (that’s what my twitter account is for) so believe it or not, Dr. Terror’s House Of Hits is not an album of spooky sound effects (like a door creaking and a witch cackling) to play on a boom box by your front step on Halloween. No seriously, it’s not. I know I know, but it’s not. Get this.. It’s actually perfectly grungy shoegaze with screechy scratchies and lyrics that aren’t about monsters and goblins. Correction: there is actually one song about monsters. Ok, on second thought, this is a Halloween album. Definitely file this under Halloween.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: I know this is late again. I’m still typing with one hand. I’ve been off work for a month now with this broken wrist and I gotta say, I’m starting to go a bit crazy. I know what you’re thinking: This guy seems perfectly sane to me, but I’m telling you, I’m losing marbles over here. Oh well, at least I’ve got extra time to search for new music. I listened to a lot this month. Be sure to check out the SCRAP HEAP to see all the other weird and wonderful music I dug up, follow me on twitter for even more, and please tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource. Even if it’s not, just lie to them. Come on.