Top 10 Albums/EP’s That DID NOT Suck in 2019

Landscape

2019 Personal Recap: Broke my fecking wrist, got married, got at least 3 haircuts. That’s it. Oh yeah, and I listened to a lot of truly horrible music. I mean lots and lots of really bad stuff guys. Some of it so bad I couldn’t even laugh at it. The following ten albums are just a few examples of what wonders I managed to skim from the surface of the cesspool that is new releases in the age of the internet. Not to imply that 2019 was a shitty year for new music, because it most definitely was not. I mean it was no 2018 or 2017, or even a 2016. Ok the truth: 2019 was a tough one for me. Some months I really had to dig to find a solid top five, whereas in previous years, I was struggling to narrow it down to just five every month. It just didn’t feel like that strong of a year, but in the end I still wound up with ten releases guaranteed to lift and/or crush your spirits. Whichever you’re in to. Me, I like both, so without further adieu:

no collusion sticking setsNo Collusion – Sticking Sets
Anyone with half a marble left in the punk scene oughta be talking about this EP from these fellas in Northern Ireland. It’s such a thrill to hear a new generation of punks grabbing the old spirit, so elegantly, by it’s throat. Trimming it right down to the grass roots. No fat, except for the fat-ass basslines. Aw fock you better not slag these tunes. This isn’t exactly the most reachable content for everyone. It’s very mocho shit, but you sing about what you know. These guys know about sticking up for their boys and having each others backs, and that’s something I can relate to. If you can’t relate to it, I get it, but I think you can still appreciate how fun and snarly these songs are. Like seriously, lots of fun. So far, I can’t get enough.  Listen on Bandcamp

brat curseBrat Curse – Self Titled
Sure everyone loves bass. Bass is easy to fall in love with. What with all it’s squish and bounce. It’s plumpness, it’s roundness. When I got my first car in the year of our lord ,2001, the most important thing in the world to me was making that piece of shit thump! All my friends had wicked-awesome amps and subwoofers, but I was too broke for that shit. I never did get the bottom end I craved. Oh how I yearned! Yeah bass is easy, but treble.. treble is an acquired taste, and you better acquire it quickly if you’re ever going to understand the awesomeness of this album. Hey! Let me tell you what! Real punks like treble, so you better get on board with this. Give it a song or two. Your ears will adjust. Then you’ll get your butt blown off.  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

tenpera businessTenpera – Business
I still remember what I said about this when it came out a couple months ago. Something about how few words there are on it. I haven’t bothered to count them all, but I’m figuring about 35 words maybe, for the whole EP. That’s all these guys need to blast your nips off. Four songs is the perfect amount of this particular brand of repetitive, borderline brainwashing, throb-punk. It’s right in that goldilocks zone for the right amount of a good thing. This is best experienced at unreasonably high volumes. If you play this in your car on full blast you will feel indestructible! You’re not though, seriously slow down.  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

dark thoughts must be niceDark Thoughts – Must Be Nice
There’s always some asshole band that puts out a stone-cold sweet heart like this at the very end of the year. It never fails. I have my top 10 all sorted out and then whammy! some greaseball snot punkers come along and ruin everything. This year the album I had to bump because of Dark Thoughts was “Fin” by Sneeze (honorable mention to them). Yo this is some catchy-ass ramones-core right here though. Way above all the runners up in this genre, and perfectly vocalized too. Man this guys voice is cool. It’s like the leather jacket of voices. Of all the songs I’ve heard this year, none have embedded themselves as deeply in my brain as the title track from this album. “It’s so easy, to be lonely, it’s so haa a a a ard to be loved”, that was me every 30 seconds for the past 3 weeks, and it will be you too if you have a shred of culture.  Listen on Bandcamp

raze on high in green tomorrowsRaze – On High In Green Tomorrows
Hey Raze, if you’re reading this, I’m still waiting for the tape I ordered like a month ago. Fuckin’ Toronto hardcore kids. I’m trying to get my tape-total up to three! It’s a newly-started collection by the way, but still, it’s a huge honor for you to be included. I don’t just spend five, hard earned, dollars on a virtually obsolete duplication-format without putting some serious thought into it! You have the best hardcore release of the year dammit! Don’t fuck with me!  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

vacation zen quality seed crystalVacation – Zen Quality Seed Crystal
Here is the other tape I purchased this year, and we’ve already been over what high praise that is. If you like shittily recorded lo-fi noise-pop with brilliant lyrics, then you and I have a lot in common, and we’re both gonna love this album. Well, I already do. You will soon. If you’re not in love with it immediately, stick with it, put in the work. This will grow on you like you’re a sloth and the songs are moss. You are a mossy sloth and yes you can use that as the name of your next band. Three times, that’s how many times you can say the word ‘moss’ before it loses all meaning.  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Сияние ЖеланияСияние – Желания
It’s no secret, Russia dominated The Doesn’t Suck this year. You know what is a secret though? EVERYTHING ELSE TO DO WITH RUSSIA. Do you guys know what vk.com is? I think it’s like the Russian facebook or something. Maybe actual facebook is not allowed in Russia? That’s the impression I’m getting.  Anyway, I think at least half my blog-views in 2019 came from vk.com links. In other words, I’m huge in Russia, and I’m scared. Ok fine, I’m not huge, but I’m still scared, and I’m pretty sure if I went to Russia I would have a floor to sleep on in some districts. That’s what they have right, districts? Like instead of neighborhoods? What a mysterious place. Oh yeah, this EP which I cannot pronounce by this band I cannot pronounce is indecipherably dope.  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

total downer keep on riding that dirt bikeTotal Downer – Keep On Riding That Dirt Bike
They call themselves Total Downer and they ain’t kidding. This is emo to the extremo. What else can I say that’s gonna top that? I shouldn’t have lead with my best material.  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

red room call caa now

Red Room – Call CAA Now
Speaking of the worst province in Canada (oh wait, no one was talking about it), here’s another hardcore band from Ontario. Wow, I’m in a bad mood now. Sorry Ontario, you know how it is. Is it hardcore though? Besides the vocal delivery, it’s “hard” to say (stares at you, deadpan, until it starts to feel uncomfortable). Is this what they mean when they say slowcore? I would almost call this underwater-core. Or like bottom-of-the-swamp-core. Obviously what I’m trying to say is, these guys are rad. Too bad they’re not a band anymore. This is presumably their first and last release. I wouldn’t even call it an official release, but it’s got a title, and it’s more than two songs so, by my standards, it qualifies. It’s a win for everyone.  Listen on Bandcamp

the hitmakers presenceThe Hitmakers – Presence
When I first featured this release back in April, I spent the whole write-up talking about how much they sound like Jawbreaker, and let’s be real, this write-up isn’t going to be any different. This is like my back-up Jawbreaker band. There are people out there who don’t like it when bands emulate each other to this degree. Those people need to relax. If you’re a Jawbreaker dork like me, you’ve always wanted more (nay! NEEDED more) Jawbreaker. You’ve resorted to listening to crappy primitive live recordings, just to hear unreleased songs you haven’t heard before being hashed-out sloppily on stage, and you loved it! Well what if I told you there are a whole heap more Jawbreaker songs out there but they’re written and recorded by an entirely different band? Oh spare me your “there will only ever be one Jawbreaker” nonsense. There are two Jawbreakers! This is proof!  Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: As you may already be aware, I’ve decided to make some minor changes to The Doesn’t Suck for 2020. I know my stunning writing skills are what you’re all really here for, but I’ve grown tired of my own ‘voice’ if you will. I often struggle with this in life: if I do something too much it becomes trite and I feel like it’s cheap and predictable. Go figure, I find myself too predictable. What am I even talking about? Look, here’s the deal: I want to focus more on exposing bands, and less on blithering into the ether. Instead of a monthly top five I’m going to try to do a monthly top ten, but the idea of doing ten write-ups a month kind of makes me wanna barf, so I’m going to do zero instead. I’m still going to do some kind of recap or random stream of consciousness thing maybe, I don’t know, something, but there will be less writing.

Also I’m going to stop doing the Doesn’t English features, because I always have non-english bands in the top five anyway. I might change my mind about that but we’ll see. I’m still sussing things out. Just don’t be surprised if there are some changes around here. The blog is not going anywhere though. I still love discovering new music. It almost feels like something I need to do at this point. Like some insane musical FOMO. I really want to keep supporting these bands and I want you to support them too. Thanks to all of you who read this blog and support these bands. I think it’s really cool of you to do so. Please continue to support weird people in doing whatever they like to do.

Thanks for another great year of music and fun conversations on twitter. Stay tuned for all the rad jams I’m sure to unearth in the new year. Yeah bye.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [SEPTEMBER 2019]

cassels the perfect endingCassels – The Perfect Ending
Be warned, there is some HEAVY subject matter here. If you really want to take a minute to reflect deeply on some of the more fucked up aspects of society, in a very gut-punchy kind of way, well this is your band. Wash it down with a stiff drink cuz it can be hard to digest, but holy frick is it good. I wouldn’t want to have it every day, but when you’re in the mood for something potent and severe, this is gonna hit the spot. It’s like the thinking mans alt punk with all the angles, all the maths and all the attitude. It’s quite unlike anything you’ve heard before. The talent level out of these two lads is nothing short of astonishing. I’m trying to think of something funny to say and I can’t. This album got me in a really serious mood. I’m feeling dumb as fuck too cuz I’m pretty sure these kids are half my age and twice as intelligent.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

red room call caa nowRed Room – Call CAA Now
For those of you who aren’t Canadian, CAA is the Canadian version of AAA, which stands for Against All Authority. CAA stands for Commence All Authority. They were not the most popular punk band. The whole thing was a little unfortunate actually, but we all learned a valuable lesson. Why does a sick-ass band like Red Room want you to call CAA though? That’s the part I don’t understand. How do you even call a band that doesn’t exist anymore? Last I heard, the members of CAA were all in hiding. Anyway, I guess Red Room is no longer a band either. This is supposed to be their final release? That sucks cuz this is some grouchy-ass hardcore done to perfection.   Listen on Bandcamp

killcult self titledKillcult – Self Titled
I first read this as KillCUT which would have been a marginally more rad name, but Killcult gets the job done. Either way you’re going to get killed. This is murderous music. Homicidal if you will. It hearkens back to a deadlier time in punk. The violent sensibilities of early hardcore blended lovingly with the attitude of first wave snarl. You know what, I am really coming into my own as a writer, don’t you think? Anyway, look at this gnarly album art. It’s a goddamn spider on a skull. That’s a nasty looking spider too. A throwback to a time when skulls and spiders were edgy, and tattoos were cool. Oh you don’t think tattoos were cool in the 80’s? Well I have three words for you: Aaron Neville’s face.   Listen on Bandcamp

sneeze finSneeze – Fin
Let me tell you, there are some real ear-worms on this album. Especially track one. I’ve had the hook stuck in my head for weeks now: “DYYINNNG CHILLLLDRENN”. Needless to say, I’ve been getting some funny looks from my co-workers. I work at an orphanage by the way, so the orphans were getting a bit weirded out too, at first, but now I’ve got them all singing along Oliver-Twist-food-glorious-food style. It’s really quite something. Yo, this band is called Sneeze, lol. You’ve got to respect the name choice. I’m so curious about how they settled on that though. Were they sitting around like “What are we gonna call this band?” and then one guy sneezed and they were like “YES! THAT’S IT!” Look, the name is actually pretty good, but that’s beside the point: the music here is of the unsucky nature.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Humelly ДежевыйHumelly – Дежевый
Привет товарищи. Я пьян на русской водке и слушаю Humelly. Я больше не представляю страну Канады, премьер-министр которой – шут. Я больше не фанат Сидни Кросби. Теперь я команда Ovi. Этот блог будет переходить на весь русский диалог в ближайшем будущем. Извините, что сообщаю вам эту новость, но группы в России слишком сильны. Музыка такая холодная и такая серая. Это не может быть побеждено. Я осуждаю любую принадлежность к западному миру, я переезжаю в Якутск и создаю группу под названием «Путин Шмутин». Это будет популярная поп-группа. Вы можете думать, что вы хотите. Это больше не влияет на меня. Сейчас я должен идти. Зима приближается.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: Oh isn’t it nice, the weather is changing! Yeah, from really good to really shitty. Oh all of the leaves are turning beautiful colours! Yeah, because they’re dying and soon going to fall off and blanket the neighborhood in a soggy layer of decaying biomass. Yay now we can wear our fall outfits! Ok I’ll give you that. At least it’s leather jacket season. I heard a song recently called “Leather Jacket Season” but I can’t, for the life of me, remember who it was by. It’s probably in the SCRAP HEAP somewhere, so be sure to poke around in there a bit. Wear gloves though, and poke from a distance with a stick. Thank you for reading another Top 5, and I’ll thank you in advance for continuing to support underground music. Please tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource and the best place to find weird bands. Follow me on Twitter (@SteveDoesnt) so you can join in all the fun music conversations I have with my followers. Also, please don’t pretend you’re happy it’s fall. Can we all just be honest this year? Fall sucks! Bye.