Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [SEPTEMBER 2017]

a0257584710_10Washer – All Aboard
Grungy indie punks from Brooklyn mixin’ up a bowl of grooves for us with killer vocals. Really scrappy songs that get stuck in your teeth and stay there, like when you eat ribs and you don’t have a toothpick. This could be my favourite release this month. I mean I associated it with oral hygiene. That’s saying a lot. Everything is solid here. If you don’t eat meat you can compare it to eating a mango off the pit. Like someone just hands you a mango and you have to eat it with your bare hands. No knife. This is the perfect compliment for any band.  Listen on Bandcamp

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a3326735088_10The Fiasco Kerfuffle – Get A Job
This is bedroom emo at it’s emoest, and also it’s bedroomest. This is definitely just a really sad guy sitting on the edge of his bed making brilliant songs that no one will ever hear, other than me, and maybe you, if you go to his page. I really hope you do. So few people have a knack for lyrics like this. The subject matter is self-deprecation at it’s self-deprecationiest, and maybe it gets you a little down, but what’s wrong with being down? I like being down. I feel most comfortable when I’m down. What is this ‘up’ I’ve heard so much about? What’s up!? Down with up! Everything about this works perfectly. It’s a beautiful accident. Even the bad mixing and shitty white-noise just add to the sadness, and thus strengthens these songs.  Listen on Bandcamp

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a2253055667_10El Googly Diablo – ST
They do it in the name of love. They write these beautiful songs for you and me in the name of love, and all that is good. All that is punk, all that is weird. El Googly Diablo is the name of the band. It’s a weird name, and don’t let the spooky cover art fool you. This album is inspirational and uplifting. It’s endearing the way a wet dog is. It’s so cute but its fur is gross right now. Are you going to pet the wet dog anyway? Well? I’ll pet this fucking dog all day. Maybe just like on it’s head though. You know, where it’s still mostly dry.  Listen on Bandcamp

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a2021054450_10Ueckers – 2 Balls 2 Strikes
Anytime there’s a decent Snot-punk album released, it’s automatically in consideration for the top 5, even when all of the songs are about beer league baseball. It doesn’t matter what the songs are about ok, as long as they’re clever, and this is clever stuff. They’ve got the background vocals perfect too. If you’re a grease-punk and you also happen to be on a softball team, I may have just found your favorite album of all time. Don’t be fooled by bands like Modern Baseball or Canadian Softball. Those bands don’t even talk about balls. What kind of deceptive bullshit is that anyway?  Listen on Bandcamp

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a0635502784_10Soapboxer – Lush
Good news from Thunder Bay! Said the headline never. Zzzzing! Seriously though if you’re Canadian you know this town has it’s share of problems, but Soapboxer, for all I know, doesn’t appear to be one of them. If anything they’re a break in the clouds for that truly horrible place. I’m totally kidding. Thunder Bay is fine (if you’re not Native). KIDDING! (kind of). This is shoegazie emo stuff with dreamy vocals and poignant lyrics that make you want to be young again. Unless you’re still young. I don’t know how it makes you feel if you’re still young. Probably a little sad. By the way, this album is choice!  Listen on Bandcamp

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Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [AUGUST 2017]

a1729059550_10Briar Burns – No Sauce No Paper No Clout
Static-heavy hill-fuzz from Sioux City Iowa. I hope they never upgrade their recording process because I don’t think this would sound as awesome if it were a quality recording. Never have I related so profoundly to a song as I do to track 5, Depression Sandwiches. Now I understand why they tagged themselves as “sad”. It is sad, but in a don’t-feel-sorry-for-me-cuz-I-don’t kind of way. This is clever as fuck and funny. Funny in a simple, yet deeply moving, sort of way. I mean this thing could really make it hard to decide whether you want to laugh or cry. I don’t know about yous guys but that’s exactly what I want from my music. The last line of this album is “My life is pretty bad”. You see what I mean?   Listen on Bandcamp

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a1147764168_10Baby! – Sunny, FL.
There’s been some great releases this month, but I keep coming back to this one. It’s summer in a bottle. I mean album. It feels a bit like the beach. Or maybe a hot car with no A/C. It also kinda sounds like you’re lying, tummy down, on a summery looking bed, in a summery looking bedroom, window is open, breeze is pushing at the white curtains, your feet in the air, ankles crossed, you’re reading an Archie comic, bobbing your head.. How do people read and listen to music at the same time though? If you can do that you’re the embodiment of Satan ok. You’re horrifying. Oh yea, this is a good album.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

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a2877724438_10Tiger Beat – The Story Begins Here
Here’s a couple dudes just keepin’ ‘er simple and gettin’ ‘er done. It’s so basic and repetitive but goddamn is it catchy. It looks like they perform as a guitar & bass duo with a drum machine in back of them. They’ve also mastered the art of rock’n’roll background vocals or vocal layering, whatever the boring I’m-so-cool-when-I-talk-about-music term is for it. It’s irresistible. There’s a kind of drone to this, because of the never-changing drum patterns, that I find rather pleasing to my ears. I think this would be best listened to in a smoke-filled basement while sitting on a dirty couch. A chesterfield if you will.   Listen on Bandcamp

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a1045702862_10Luke Seymoup – The Professional
If this were a kickball tournament, Australia would be in first place, because they are seriously kicking balls right now. I think an Aussie band has been included in every Top 5 I’ve done this year. They just keep ‘em comin’ don’t they? Enter Luke Seymoup, (like Seymour but with a ‘P’). I know.. It’s ridiculous.. Just like it’s ridiculous how awesome his music is. It’s like a new wave olive with a folk-punk pimento. Mmm! His official moniker is “The Godfather of Punk’n’B”. Sure, let’s go with that. Sorry about the olive analogy.
PS: And the kickball one.
 Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

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a0529405880_10Two And A Half Giants – CPR (Cell Phone Recordings)
I’m a bit of a sucker for shit recordings. This one is a little shittier than I would normally prefer (I mean come on. I have standards) but considering this was recorded on a cell phone, it actually sounds pretty decent. I’m assuming it was recorded on a cell phone. That’s what the title would have me believe anyway. Ok so when you listen to it, try to imagine what it would sound like if you were in the room with them and not listening to it over the phone. If you really try, you can get there, and that’s when you’ll realize this is a pretty awesome band. Hey guys, if you’re reading this, please do put out more music, and let me know when you do. Thanks.
PS: Take care of that cough.
  Listen on Bandcamp

 

 

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [JULY 2017]

a2711761861_10Basement Revolver – Agatha
Do I dare make the Snail Mail comparison? Let me tell you, Habit by Snail Mail was, arguably, the best sounding thing to happen in 2016. Like not just in music, but sounds in general. Better than children’s laughter by a long-shot. Honestly I’m not even a fan of children or their laughter, so I guess that’s not a good comparison. Look, whatever the best sounding thing you can think of is, Habit probably sounded better than that. This entire paragraph is just one big comparison to Snail Mail. That’s how awesome this EP is. It really doesn’t sound all that much like Snail Mail though, to be honest. Just the way she sings. This isn’t confusing is it?  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify.

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a1044352850_10Fatesealer – S/T
Hardcore. This is hardcore. The adjective, not the noun. Although it is a little bit the noun too. It’s hard to find the right noun for this. They have tagged themselves as Pre, Mid, & Post, Hardcore.. Your guess is as good as mine. Post-hardcore with a splash of post-punk and two scoops of raisins? You’ll have to listen for yourself. This is one solid LP though. It’s heavy impact, deep and energetic, quick on it’s feet. Can you see yourself rage-punching a speed-bag to this music? I can see you doing that, you weirdo.  Listen on Bandcamp.

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a1431245958_10Von Stache – Quiet, Brain
There’s something in the water in Australia these days. More specifically, sharks! crocodiles! & those fucked up jellyfish! But in addition to all that, there’s something else, something radioactive that’s mutating human beings into awesome punk bands (ie. Von Stache). They’re a two-piece from Geelong Australia; Home of Aussie Football and The National Wool Museum. Together they rock out this slicked back grease-punk stuff. Imagine if Courtney Love was in The Groovie Ghoulies and had an Aussie accent. Now forget all that and check this out. Great album title btw.  Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify.

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a3866553780_10Crouch – Caida
There’s something in the air in Costa Rica these days. More specifically, mosquitos! Ok forget it. I can’t even talk about air quality. I’m currently choking on forest fire smoke. I can’t see the sun today. Hey let’s talk about this EP by Crouch. Partly Englais, partly Espanol, mostly asombroso! The Spanish language really lends itself to warp-speed pop punk doesn’t it? La Puerta is my favorite song. “LA PUERTAAAAAAAA”   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify.

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a3040183310_10Dont Ask – S/T
Some real junky sounding Oakland shit with awesome psychedelic 60’s vocal stylings. The punk rock just never stops flowing from this town. Neither does raw sewage into the San Francisco Bay. I admit, I made up the stuff about the raw sewage, but it’s probably true. It’s kind of weird, this album, it starts off pretty average and just keeps getting better and better, so stick with it if you know what’s good for you.  Listen on Bandcamp.

 

 

 

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [JUNE 2017]

a1329878579_10Local Programming – Seymour Glass
Track 2 is kind of lousy, but all of the other songs are goddamn incredible. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure out what this reminds me of. I think it’s just cuz he sings like a guy from a band a few years back called Forming. I’m almost convinced it’s the same guy. It could be. Ok I’m just going to officially proclaim that it is most definitely the same guy. They’re the same person. Please don’t fact-check this.    Listen on Bandcamp

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a2528714462_10Needles//Pins – Goodnight Tomorrow
Scrappy punk outfit from my home town, so you know I gotta champion this. I’m hearing some good old fashion ramonesy-punk here and also I wanna say some Newfie/Irish bullshit of some sort. I don’t know if that was intentional but it’s working for me. I will be in attendance at the next show.    Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

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a1266138357_10The Strays – Soundcast Session
Awww yeah this is smoo-ooth baby. Beautiful live studio sessions from this soulful rock outfit from LA. This is like close-your-eyes-and-bob-your-head-back-and-forth-with-a-slight-pout-on-your-lips music. Hopefully while your special someone is rubbing against you on a hot summer night in New Orleans. What the hell am I even talking about? I mean in general, all of the time, not just right now.    Listen on Bandcamp

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a1257005094_10Dead Selves – Western Body
These are nice dramatic folk-punk tunes from Atlanta. I love it when really cool bands come from the south that aren’t so stereotypically southern. Album cover is reminiscent of Frame & Canvas by Braid. The music is not. By now you should be able to tell, exactly what this sounds like. In case there was any confusion, It’s awesome.    Listen on Bandcamp

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a1918487364_10Yulia – Big Boys Fall Hard
I used to work with a woman named Yulia. She was from Belarus. Nice lady. Track 4, Amos, might be my favorite song for June. It’s so phat and phunky. On the cover there’s a guy with his face blurred out drinking what appears to be a bottle of Fireball. You can interpret that however you want. Oh yeah, the music.. It’s phat and phunky guys!    Listen on Bandcamp

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [MAY 2017]

a0689907179_10Briscoe – Good Time Riffs For Bad Times
There’s something so cool about a band that’s obviously super talented, yet clearly gives no shits about aesthetic. I mean look at the artwork. It’s like someone designed it on their cell phone while driving. Not a single trace of these guys on any social media platform. They’re a mystery band. They’re too focused on kickin’ out dope jams to care about much else it seems. I bet their live shows are stupefying, if they’re even together anymore. This could have been recorded 20 years ago for all I know.    Listen on Bandcamp

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a2548617617_10Daddy Issues – Deep Dream
The only issues these guys are having is maybe some unhealthy side effects from a suck deficiency! Ok yeah, I tried way too hard on that sentence. This is my go-to sound for 2017. Between this and the new Courtneys record I’m set. Holy shit, this is cosmic dream fuzz.    Listen on Spotify or Bandcamp

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a2244512981_10Clowns – Lucid Again
The new Gnarwolves album was going to make this list, but after I listened to Clowns I was like “wow Gnarwolves suck”. Full disclosure, these guys are in no way affiliated with the Insane Clown Posse.. That certainly hasn’t stopped them from coming up with a stupid name for their band though. We’re going to overlook that because this thing rips. It rips so hard you guys. It’s like you’re thrashing the shit out of your skateboard on a gnarly curb guys. Just chewin’ it up. That’s how hard it rips.   Listen on Spotify or Bandcamp

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a3936514190_10Underpass – Part Time Punk Sessions
I can relate to the part-time punk credo. It works for me too. It’s too hard being a full time punk without also being full-time homeless. For a gloomy gothic record, this thing really rocks. Occasionally it rolls too. There’s some good stuff coming out of San Diego right now. Here’s proof.    Listen on Bandcamp

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a2655546073_10Alter – Pendulum
The lyrics are like a lesson in eco-neurology. Is that even a thing? It is now, cuz I just said it, and these guys did an album about it. Not that you’re going to be able to decipher a single word of it through the ocean of static you’ll be listening through. This sounds like a negative review. It’s not. This is dope. See it’s positive now.    Listen on Spotify or Bandcamp

 

 

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [APRIL 2017]

PrintThe Smith St Band – More Scared of You Than You Are of Me
I don’t usually like my punk so cleaned up and polished like this, but these are big songs and I guess that warrants big production. The ultra-australianess of this guys voice is going to put you off at first, but don’t panic. It is going grow on you, I promise. It’s pretty bluddy incredible actually.    Listen on Spotify
 
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a2479524384_16Hate Club – No Seriously EP
Female and male fronted indie-emo from upstate NY. It’s scratchy and catchy as fuck. There’s a weird excerpt from an episode of The West Wing on here. I’ve never seen that show and I’m not sure if it doesn’t suck.   Listen on Bandcamp
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12XU095-1_Xetas_The_TowerXetas – The Tower
Noisy punk from Austin Texas. They look like nice people but this stuff is pretty viscous. It’s not gonna rip your face off or anything but it might kick you in the shins. You’re gonna take it and you’re gonna like it though.   Listen on Bandcamp
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a0752113678_16Kings of Freon – See There’s Your Problem EP
This is obviously an inside joke. I’m not in on it but I still find it hilarious. I feel like this might be a side project, but I don’t know who these guys are. All I know is, this is the best fridge-punk album I’ve ever heard. What is fridge-punk you ask..? Well, in this case, its lo-fi indie punk with lyrics focused exclusively on refrigerator repair. No, I’m serious, and it’s really good.   Listen on Bandcamp
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a0396870542_10Loose Tooth – Big Day
Woozy, screamy, a fuzzy rock covered in moss. It’s a nice place to sit down for a while. Take a little break. Watch out for slugs.
 Listen on Spotify or Bandcamp